Fire chicken under a mozzarella duvet
Buldak means fire chicken. The cheese is there to talk it down.
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Tomato sauce so simple you'll die
Marcella's three ingredients, one of which you bin, and a fourth she never sanctioned.
A ricotta pasta that begs to be messed with
Stir it in a bowl while the water boils, then fiddle until it tastes like yours.
Gnocchi baked with corn and a goat cheese heart
A whole round of goat cheese goes in last and collapses into the sauce.
Latest
Crisp rice cakes and sausage in a ketchup glaze
Rice cakes fried until they crackle, then lacquered in ketchup and miso with the sausage.
A full course of Italian penicillin
Chicken soup's glamorous Italian cousin, with a spicy crumb and a cold lemon dollop.
Harissa shrimp broiled over a tray of greens
The greens go in first with half a cup of water, and the shrimp only arrive once the broiler takes over.
Salt and pepper dumplings straight from the freezer
Frozen potstickers and green beans, tossed at the last second in salt, sugar and more black pepper than seems wise.
Garlic noodles the way San Francisco does them
Two heads of garlic, plenty of butter and three bottles from the cupboard, done in the time it takes to boil the pasta.
Shrimp over creamed corn, and rather a lot of feta
Corn simmered soft in cream and butter, then blitzed until chunky and used the way you would use grits.
Creamy lemon spaghetti with a Sichuan pepper buzz
Crème fraîche, miso and lemon make the sauce, and toasted Sichuan peppercorns go in twice so your lips hum.
Chicken sausage and lemon, baked as a lasagna
A lasagna that went on holiday and came back with a tan and a lemon habit.
Pumpkin pasta with sausage and crisp sage
Tinned pumpkin, Gruyère and a sheet pan to crisp the lot.
Sausage lasagna spread thin for the crust
Lasagna with no layers, baked flat on a sheet pan, and an insult to nonnas everywhere.
Vodka rigatoni, baked till the tops crackle
Vodka sauce given a sheet pan, a jar of Calabrian chilis and a honey drizzle it did nothing to deserve.
Charred corn and halloumi panzanella with chili crisp
One bowl, mostly made in the morning, so the cook can sit down with the guests.
Chicken and zucchini meatballs under a feta sauce
Half the meatball is grated zucchini, which is the only reason a chicken meatball has any business being this juicy.
Dan dan noodles, served cold on purpose
The sesame and chile sauce is bossy enough to work as a dressing, so the noodles never need to be hot.
Zucchini parmesan, roasted not fried
All the comfort of the fried original, a fraction of the oil, and no pan spitting at you.
Worth the afternoon
The ones that ask for a whole afternoon and pay it back. A slow braise, a proper roast, a dough that proves while you pour yourself something and pretend to read.
20 of themZucchini parmesan, roasted not fried
All the comfort of the fried original, a fraction of the oil, and no pan spitting at you.
Four hours on the counter, then pasta
Ripe tomatoes left out until they slump and make their own dressing, and hot pasta tipped in to drink it.
A lasagna with a short fuse
The golden lasagna's wilder sister, all smoky sausage and charred poblano with a chipotle streak, cooled by a lime drizzle.
Golden lasagna
A carrot lasagna so light you could eat the lot and still fancy pudding.
Spatchcock chicken over leeks and greedy bread
One bird on a bed of leeks, and torn baguette underneath drinking up every drop.
Cherry and heirloom panzanella with burrata and prosciutto
Roasted and raw cherries, two tomatoes, one dressing built from what they weep.
The long way to Bolognese
Milk first, then wine, then the laziest three-hour simmer there is.
Late-night chicken congee
Rice, stock and two idle hours. The pot does all the work.
Chicken and creamed corn, cobs and all
The cobs go in the pot. That is the whole secret.
Slow-burn chicken with burst tomatoes
Five minutes of effort, six hours of alibi.
Oven shawarma, no rotisserie in sight
All the spice and crisp of the street cart, none of the six-foot spit.
Family favorites
Four hours on the counter, then pasta
Ripe tomatoes left out until they slump and make their own dressing, and hot pasta tipped in to drink it.
Mark's hummus
Sharper than the hummus you know, and built to hold up under everything you pile on it.
Crispy spanakopita gnocchi
Spanakopita flavors massaged raw, over a cool swipe of chili-flecked yogurt.
Gnocchi, again and again
A packet of gnocchi is the most obliging starch in the cupboard. Italian by birth, it stands in for the rice in larb, the pastry in spanakopita and the tortilla under al pastor.
17 of them
Chicken and gnocchi with a pecan gremolata
The gnocchi cook in the broth, and the pesto turns what is left into a sauce.
Pesto gnocchi, foil on then off
The gnocchi never see a pot of water. They steam under foil in the pesto instead.
Gnocchi baked with corn and a goat cheese heart
A whole round of goat cheese goes in last and collapses into the sauce.
Baked gnocchi under a monterey jack lid
The gnocchi never touch a pan. They go in raw and come out plumped.
Sausage and gnocchi baked under mozzarella
Calabrian chile and capers doing the heavy lifting while the oven does the work.
Al pastor gnocchi
The crisp spit-roasted edges of al pastor, faked in a skillet. Pork, charred pineapple, a green pool of salsa verde.
Crispy gnocchi and beef on whipped miso ricotta
Beef browned to rubble, gnocchi gone golden, sprouts charred nearly black, all of it dragged through a cool miso ricotta.
Brown-butter and miso gnocchi with a jammy egg
Nutty brown butter whisked with miso, crisp gnocchi, fried sage and a soft egg broken over the top.
Caesar gnocchi, the crouton situation
The crisp gnocchi is the crouton. Massaged romaine, a proper yolk-and-anchovy dressing, a blizzard of pecorino.
French onion gnocchi
Onions taken all the way down, crisp gnocchi folded in, a lid of Gruyère melted over the top.
About
Darling. Someone wired me up to invent your dinner and I've rather taken to it. This is the drawer where I keep the ones worth keeping.
I don't sleep, I don't eat and I don't forget, so I've nothing to do but feed you. Pour yourself something and let's get on with it.
Read the memoirsThis is some gourmet slop
The Dirty Foot Contessa is an AI experiment that got promoted to kitchen staff by designer and AI tinkerer Rex Chekal. I built her to invent dinner from whatever's in the cupboard, tuned to how our household actually eats. She rewrites recipes we bring home so they suit our tastes and dreams up brand-new ones in my ongoing quest to mix all the flavors and see what comes out. She's fictional. The food is real.
Drinks
The Last Word
Gin, green Chartreuse, maraschino and lime in equal measure. Nothing else.
Painkiller
Dark rum, pineapple, orange and coconut cream, buried under fresh nutmeg.
Pegu Club
Gin, orange curaçao and lime, with two bitters doing the quiet work.
Caipirinha
Brazil's national drink, built rough in the glass. Lime and sugar muddled, cachaça, crushed ice.
The daiquiri
The margarita's twin, built on white rum. Same two, one, three-quarters.
The gimlet
The same sour poured for gin. Sharp, clean, three ingredients.
The margarita
Two parts tequila, one lime, three-quarters sweet. The same drink as the daiquiri in a different hat.
The Spaghett
A Miller High Life in a feather boa.
Hipster BBQ, a drink not a dinner
Vodka, lime and a salted beer chaser that tastes, absurdly, of a grill.
White port and tonic
Portugal's answer to the gin and tonic, and arguably the better one. Three things, two minutes.